Just a simple dream, a single happening,
to awaken my emotions,
to uncover the hidden love so strong,
buried within.
A spoilt child, I thought I deserved the title for whatever that I had gone through. But I never was thankful. I took it all in. But as the years pass I realised that whatever form of gratitude had only been directed towards my mother. The only recognition of efforts was solely, almost entirely, of the master of the household.
True enough, she has always been the one holding up the family, not allowing it to fall. She has always been strong, faltering every now and then but still managing to pick up the falls and emerge stronger. And we children have every reason to idolise her.
Now that I've become older and hopefully more mature and wiser is when I realised how much this old man of mine, has touched my heart for the change in him over these years. The only figure in the household that I left out, and neglected.
So I've seen my father's hair whiten, and unlike my mother, I've witnessed the huge change in personality in him, something which I noted silently in my heart, but never did make a big deal out of it. The massive transformation from the fiesty person in him, to a much sensitive and emotional man now. The man who gave me whatever I wanted from my impulsive demands, the man who spoils me every now and then. And I can never forgive myself each time I threw tantrums with some of his incompetence, because it was just so... convenient. But I quietly withdrew the remorse, together with myself, back into the cocoon. He's the only person whom I could display my unhappiness, for me being the youngest in my family I didn't allow me to be given much chance to have a say in things - which then leaves me to lots of pent-up frustrations.
I never did talk about it, but what happened to my father 5 years ago only made our family closer, and for me to finally break open my shell after two decades of my life to hold out my hand to both my aging parents to show them how much they meant to me.
If I ever were to choose, I would never have chosen other family to be born in. I am most thankful to be part of the two people whose genes have formed me, and I also thank them greatly for that, whether I'm sick, or not.
And gosh, what an emotional entry that had been, but Papa,
I love you very much.
